As described so eloquently by AEP here, workplace banter is generally limited to the following three topics: 1) Girls 2) Drugs/Alcohol/Drinking 3) the varying levels of hate for your job. Once in a blue moon you actually start to make friends with the people you work with, which always leads to a series of awkward, probing conversations wherein you try to find a modicum of common ground.

It starts with favorite movies, where you went to school, where you are from, inane comments on the weather, etc etc., eventually leading to questions like, “how are you feeling? You look sad” because most everyone who works in a restaurant really has no desire to be there, and got there through a series of bad luck and bad decisions.

Anyways, I had the “what’s your all-time favorite band?” discussion a few nights ago, and I unequivocally declared that Bruce Springsteen circa Greetings from Asbury Park to Born to Run would have to be my all-time favorite. The response? “Bruce Springsteen sucks. Blink 182 is the best band ever.” 

I don’t think my new found friendship has the potential to be a lasting one. 

When I was a child living in Guam, every weekend my father would take my younger brother and I to the beach (interestingly, the beach sand was completely white- imported every year from Japan). We would wake up at 8am, and before heading to the coast, would stop by the local gas station to buy food and drink for the trip. My younger brother would always get a Welches’ grape soda and a slim jim, my father a Red Dog beer and a slim jim, and I would always buy a cream soda, a slim jim, and a little bag of bugles (yeah, I was a pudgy boy. So what?) 

We would comb the beach looking for shells and beautiful wave beaten stones and coral, enjoying each others company and the picturesque scenery. In order to aid my “shell finding ability” I would bring a toy version of the tyrannosaurus rex from Jurassic Park. It worked. I was a beast at finding shells.

No doubt, some of the most cherished memories I have.

Anyways, I used to love putting the bugles on my fingertips, and walk around with them like they were little claws. To make a long story short, I just got back from the supermarket, and I bought myself a bag of bugles. I just tried to put them on my fingers. They all broke. They don’t fit anymore.

Fuck.

fmylife:

Today, I was baking cookies and opened the oven door to check on them. Apparently, wearing a gold necklace means the wave of heat will burn your very fair skin. I now have a bright red ring of stars around my neck. FML

Think about it like its the coolest tattoo ever. Then its not an FML anymore, but an LML

Even better.

Genius.

Dedicated to my own band of gorillas

fmylife:

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she’s going to maul your face. FML

So true. In addition, do not do that with Rottweilers, Chows, German Shepherds, Pitbulls, or Corgis. 

Ocean Man, can you see through the wonder of amazement at the oberman,
Ocean Man, the crust is elusive when it casts forth to the childlike man
Ocean Man, the sequence of a life form braised in the sand,
Soaking up the thirst of the land…..

Tumblr, meet Virginia. Virginia, meet Tumblr. I think y’all will get along nicely. 

Self explanatory. If I could afford a TV or cable, I would spring the extra few dollars a month and get Showtime and HBO, because lord knows thats where the best tv shows are. But because apparently I make only 6 dollars an hour after taxes (as judging by my last pay check), which puts me at paying off my college loans probably somewhere in the year 2020 (hopefully the world will end by then), I am stuck stealing dvds of HBO/Showtime programs from my local Best Buy, watching them on my laptop, then reselling them at the local flea market on the weekends (not really, if the police read my blog). 

My Faves from the past 3 years (or rather, the ones I have been able to steal and enjoy): 

• Dexter
• Deadwood
• Rome (arrgghhh!!!! Man show!!) 
• Curb Your Enthusiasm
• Weeds
• True Blood 

Great moments in cinema history # 5

Great moments in cinema history # 4